The Gospel of Me, Myself, and iPhone
Sin used to be cosmic treason. Now it’s “a low serotonin day” or “something your Enneagram couldn’t handle.”
Once upon a time, sin sent prophets into exile and kings into sackcloth. Today? It gets you a Spotify playlist and a therapy discount code from your church planter’s Instagram story.
Enter:
Pastor Chad the Planter™ who replaced covenant theology with Canva, and Tears McFalsetto the Worship Leader who replaced holiness with hormonal ambiance. Pastor Chad told me sin is ‘whatever keeps you from becoming your best self.’ I asked if he meant pride or lust. He said no, he meant gluten. Meanwhile, our worship leader wrote a song called “Reckless Guilt Trip” about the time his girlfriend left him for a Baptist and God met him in the shower with a ukulele. We sang it seven Sundays in a row and a revival broke out in the lighting booth.
You see, they shrank sin so small it can fit in a podcast episode and made God so affirming He sounds like your life coach. And somehow, in this tragic theological short story… the cross became a vibe. But don’t worry… Pastor Chad says that’s just sanctification… Or branding. Honestly, it’s hard to tell the difference anymore.
Man used to worship at altars and in sanctuaries, now he just stares in the mirror and sings Hill…uh, affirmations. The sacred self is now catechized by TikTok, baptized in therapy, and confirmed with a pronoun update. But don’t worry, Jesus still wants to be your vibe manager (eye-roll). But Christ did not die to affirm your inner child. He died to crucify your old man and raise you to newness of life. So deny yourself, take up your cross, and follow Him.
Yours Truly,
Shank | Secretary of Spine Distribution